I ache for *you*, now...

It has now been almost four years since you wrote me that letter... 05 October, 2005.
I still read it often, and the tears still come pouring out...
the copy I have is obviously spotted by them.
But today, I wadded up my tissue and threw it feebly at the wastebasket,
it bounced out and fell to the floor,
this caused a new outburst of tears...
No one but family would get this... and know the love with which I say... I can never look at a snotty tissue again, without thinking of *you*. :)

I have surely felt your spirit along my way,
and I could not have made it otherwise.
But, that time has passed where I looked to others for a lighter burden.
You may have been stronger, while I was faster...
But neither strength or speed can help us now.
As you said, you can not help me.
Nor can I help you.

Our situations can not be helped by a comforting hand of a loved one...
I wish it could. I'd tear this veil from your eyes.
The roles have reversed now...
I am no longer afraid of the dark of the night.
The Light is within us all.
Though, I feel you being overpowered by the desires of your heart....
chasing the tail-end of a wind that has already blown by you.
A wind that was blowing too fast to ride, anyhow.

We both jumped from the nest too early...
but with your tendency to rush things, and my tendency to hide from them,
our falls were different for us both. Yours was hard and fast, mine was slow,
but I hit a lot of branches along the way down.
Coming from one who has returned to the nest...
The view alone is worth the effort.

I see you in a new way...
I'm no longer the buck-toothed,
toe-headed, pest that I once was, either.
I no longer see someone that will take my fears away,
but someone that had the same fears as me all along.

I never knew it, but you were just as scared as me.

We both have cause to groan like a
hibernating bear that is awakened early....
But we were supposed to be beyond that.
I try daily to get beyond it.
You were better at it than us all... Do you remember?

"Some people say that I'm a dreamer...
but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday, you'll join us. And the world will live as one."